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RELATIONSHIP GOALS
Before beginning a training program, you must have a clear idea of where you would like the relationship to go. It is essential, as in any long-term relationship, to understand and be clear about individual expectations. The decision to train, and indeed the decision to enter into a binding contract, should wait until both of you agree on your own goals and expectations.
The first essential step here is obviously communication, but equally important is developing an action plan. The dominant and slave should ask themselves, "What do I want from this relationship?" Create a questionnaire that both you and the slave can fill out individually. Once this is done, compare the answers. When there is disagreement on a particular point, it can be discussed, and perhaps a compromise can be reached (!).
Clearly, the slave comes to you to be trained, used, or because your relationship has changed, and you are not in a position to determine the finer points of the process. The Master should not prohibit "bartering" with the slave to the extent that your authority aligns with your interests. I'm assuming your relationship is no longer in its infancy (it's my belief that this should be the case before the slave's training begins). The advantage is that you know each other well—so well that you may need to ask the slave to communicate completely honestly, and not give answers that she believes are the ones you want to hear.
General questions to be answered individually and discussed.
What do I want from this relationship for myself?
- What do I want from this relationship for my Master/slave?
- How do I see this relationship in five years? In ten years?
- What things do I see myself unable to do ethically and morally to achieve these goals?
After comparing answers, discuss them until you find mutually satisfactory answers. Then you can move on to more specific questions.
Rank these answers in order of importance (1 being the most important):
What are the most important qualities of a Master?
- ___ Honesty
- ___ Decision-making skills
- ___ Trustworthiness
- ___ Consistency
- ___ Sexual ability
- ___ Sense of humor
- ___ Physical characteristics
- ___ Authority and control
- ___ Concern for safety
- ___ Affection
- ___ Positive self-image
- ___ Communication skills
What are the most important qualities of a slave?
- ___ Honesty
- ___ Loyalty
- ___ Sexual Ability
- ___ Physical Characteristics
- ___ Desire to Serve
- ___ Communication Skills
- ___ Sense of Humor
- ___ Affection
- ___ Trust in Master
- ___ Adherence to Rules
- ___ Obedience
- ___ Positive Self-Image
Before comparing the answers, rank each response so you can create a list of Master/Slave desires. It would be unusual for all the answers to be the same, and it is not necessary. It is helpful to discuss why you chose that order and not another. If your levels of importance are completely different (for example, if the slave ranks "physical qualities" as 1, and you rank it at the bottom of the list), you should discuss this in detail. As the Master, you should be able to determine if the disparity in beliefs is something you can both overcome and still remain faithful to the principles of a Master/Slave relationship.
You should also ask yourself the following questions:
- What are the 3 things I find particularly good about our relationship as it stands now?
- What are the 3 things I would change in our relationship with training?
- What areas does the slave want to focus on in training?
- What areas does the Master want to focus on in training?
- How will our relationship improve as a result of training?
- What do I think are the most "challenging" areas of training for me? And for my Master/slave?
- Should training be time-limited, or should it always exist?
- What can I do to achieve the goals of the relationship?
From original site "BDSM Canarias" [BDSM Canary Islands], this is a portion of the article “Manual de Adiestramiento" [Training Manual] URL http://www.bdsmcanarias.es/textos/Manual_de_Adiestramiento.htm