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Pride and Punishment
Pride:
A reasonable or justifiable self-respect.
During a recent all-Dominant gathering, a comment was offered regarding the 'stripping of pride' as part of the punishment for a submissive. The comment disturbed me and has lingered in my mind. There are many aspects to pride, some good and some bad. However, I have a pervasive belief that pride is important. A healthy person takes pride in appearance, action, accomplishments, their home, their children, their country, etc.
Self-respect is crucial for a submissive. So often, I am confronted by broken people who believe that all that is left is the submissive. This analysis always stuns me. To me, the submissive is not the residue of a life's battering, but the slow pure revelation that occurs in the heart and soul. It is the acceptance and meshing of all aspects of the self. When a person is at their peak, strong, healthy, happy, competent, assured, stable...and they can then reach within themselves to offer their essence freely to another, that is the action of a submissive.
A lack of self-respect suggests a lack of respect for others, too. If you cannot value yourself enough to make positive, healthy choices in your life, then you are demonstrating poor mental health. This is usually visible through slothful habits, depression, drugs, alcohol, obesity, bankruptcy, violence, and abusive situations in the home, or out-of-control children, among others.
D/s or the BDSM realm is not a system to rescue the victimized. At its core, it requires hard and life-threatening choices. If your faculties are impaired, then that 'consent' is invalid. For those exiting traumatic relationships or situations, I suggest taking the 'years' necessary to re-gather the controls in your life before venturing as a newcomer submissive into the lifestyle. BDSM requires strength, both physical and mental. It requires health, both physical and mental. It requires commitment, on levels and to issues more difficult than those confronted in the larger world.
Punishment is not to diminish a person but to direct their actions in appropriate ways from the Dominant's perspective. It should be noted that the objective is to have a positive outcome. Destruction is not positive. Punishments should be based on activities the submissive dislikes; in general, this is usually a level of attention removal. A Dominant can show displeasure and direct the submissive's attention toward what needs to be changed most effectively by using variations on this technique. A healthy submissive wants to please the Dominant, and most often will self-punish when s/he feels they have failed them.
I will note one further aspect which appears from the outside to be tricky. Some submissives desire and need to feel and be humiliated. This appears contradictory to what I said before, but it isn't. The action of humiliation and degradation employed during a scene between a Dominant and a submissive is not punishment. For those most often participating in this aspect of BDSM, it is a very real part of their need and pleasure. It is the action of the Dominant focusing time, energy, and attention on that submissive in the manner agreed to as part of the range of play. Punishment is the removal of that which summons pleasure and joy. A submissive being punished should not be in the scene in any form. Play, or the giving and sharing of attention, is the reward for accomplishment.
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