Preparing the Flesh

Preparing the Flesh

Many forms of BDSM scening involve the intense involvement of the skin and tissues of the submissive/slave in the scene. A newcomer to BDSM often brings with them all of the images they have seen, read about, or heard about through pornographic films, dime store erotica books, and tales stretched till they reek like old fish.

Grandstand scenes, such as you see on film or in specialized clubs, are akin to a form of performance art. The participants derive a vast proportion of their personal pleasure through the act of performing and shocking viewers with the 'tricks' they perform on-stage. Often, these scenes are highly dramatic or exaggerated. It is not uncommon for a person visiting a private dungeon or demo for the first time to comment on how subtle or non-visual the scene was. There is a big difference between 'performance scening' and the real-life exchange or interactions between lifestyle BDSMers or those living the Dominant and submissive lifestyle.

It is important to note that a performance scene 'artist' may not be involved in the D/s or BDSM lifestyle or community at all. They may (as a performer) borrow from the imagery to deliver their 'scene' to the audience. Their understanding of the dynamics of the relationships they are depicting may be erroneous or not important to them at all. Patterning our 'idea' of what the community is like based upon such performances is where many people get into real trouble.

A performance 'scener' is generally oriented toward delivering the scene to the audience. They want to shock you, titillate you, and show you what they think you want to see or will pay to see. A D/s 'scener' is oriented toward their partner, their focus being solely on what is occurring between the two of them. Because of this difference of viewpoint and orientation, the way each scene is created is vastly different.

One of the most notable differences is in what we call Preparing The Flesh. A Dominant often wants to scene with their submissive frequently. If, through scening, they injure or damage tissue, skin, muscle, or bone (most often through bruising), they inhibit future safe scening while these injuries heal. (Most Dominants are selfish enough to want to scene daily [grins]) In addition, if the Dominant and submissive live apart and separate after a scene, the Dominant may not be present for sufficient aftercare of the submissive if they have sustained 'significant' physical trauma in the scene. This inability to 'share' in the healing process can destroy a relationship if a submissive bottoms out without emotional and physical support. When a submissive re-tops, pain is no longer converted into any form of pleasurable sensation, and damage may inhibit movement, may curtail their ability to walk or move, or accomplish their normal daily tasks. If they are alone, this may summon a host of negative feelings, depression, loneliness, and sensations of a lack of personal worth or value.

If a submissive engages in a submissive scene while injured, they risk further serious or permanent damage, injury, or scarring. Some submissives view bruising as 'trophies' of their submission to their Dominant. Such Trophy Hunting may be a reflection of poor self-esteem or a desire to seriously self-injure, which is not healthy and should not be viewed as mentally healthy by a dominant scener with a submissive who pushes them for 'bruising'.

Most bruising, injury, or damage can be minimized or eliminated by working or preparing the flesh in the scene. Hard implements or toys, such as hairbrush handles, wooden paddles (among many others), will almost always bruise on contact if they are the first touch that the submissive feels. Bruising often takes hours or even days to appear. A new Dominant scening with a submissive may be unable to determine how 'heavy' their touch is, especially if they enter a scene 'hard and fast'. A scene should begin with a slow 'warming up' of the skin and tissues that the Dominant desires to focus attention upon. This generally involves massage techniques mixed with slowly increasing sensory application. A scene should build slowly with little peaks and valleys. Try to incorporate small 'rest' periods, or gaps. There are finite limits as to what any area of the body can sustain without injury. Those limits are extended by the manipulation of the tissues, movement of blood flow beneath the skin surface, etc. It is also crucial to remember that 'halting' blood flow can cause tissue to decay or die if the blood flow is withdrawn for too long. This is important if you enjoy bondage play, clamps, or play that, through pressure, halts blood flow to the tissues and cells. Every submissive is different, with different skin texture, tissue composition, and susceptibility to injury. Never assume you know if you don't. Go slowly.

Some excellent topical BDSM scene books detail very carefully specific physical safety information. A Good Safety Book should be a mandatory part of any Toy Box. Accidental damage most often occurs through a lack of knowledge of what is occurring below the surface of the skin. There is no excuse for that lack of knowledge. It is a Dominant's responsibility to fully acquire that knowledge before scening or play.

If a Dominant repeatedly damages, bruises, or injures the submissive frequently, it must be assumed by the submissive that the Dominant interacts with that desire to injure willfully and through foreknowledge on the part of the Dominant (regardless of what they say!). This may suggest a disregard for the physical safety and health of the submissive, and at least should act as a warning to the submissives that this Dominant may be an unsafe player. Evaluate a Dominant based on their actions - not on their words.

Most sensations should fade within 24 hours of the scene. Tissue or skin should appear to be normal within 48 hours of the scene. A submissive should feel 'well' within those 48 hours. Note: the true condition of the skin, tissue, muscle, and bone may remain invisible. Bone bruising may take up to a year or more to fully heal. Repetitive play of unhealed tissue may cause a breakdown of the tissue, infection, and disease. Restriction of blood flow for long periods of time can cause infections like gangrene.

The intensity of a scene can be enhanced by creativity. Variations keep things fresh and unpredictable. Altered positions can change how anything 'feels'. Damage is not the criterion of how intense a scene is.

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