Handicapped

Handicapped in BDSM

The handicapped in the BDSM community are often overlooked, and many assume they do not exist. They do. Some Dominants are blind, deaf, paralyzed, or otherwise physically impaired. And, there are innumerable submissives with varying degrees of disability or other physical problems that, to some extent, leave them handicapped. It is quite possible to see from both sides despite such impairments. However, some key things should be addressed.

In many cases, an impaired Dominant (wheelchair bound) may seek out and bring to intense scenes an assistant. This assistant can act as the hands, eyes, and ears of the Dominant. However, in lighter scenes (mostly those with only partial bondage), the Dominant often can easily scene alone. S/he may bring the disability into the scene itself. This might be to utilize the submissive as a tow vehicle using harnesses attached to the wheelchair, and some even use the chair itself as something to easily tie the submissive to. In these lighter scenes, the Dominant will often create an escape avenue for the submissive in case the Dominant should experience difficulty, so that they will not accidentally leave their submissive in a bad situation. As I noted, many will take heavier scenes through the usage of a standby assistant. One of the best Dominant males I have ever met in my life lost his legs in Vietnam. It made sceneing with his wife a creative challenge, but one he compensated for quite well. Some Dominants are visually impaired who do an excellent job at scening. The submissive who becomes involved with a handicapped Dominant needs to expect to be challenged into unusual roles in the relationship. In many cases, the need for trust is even greater, and for some submissives, their in-scene fear is something additional to be overcome.

Communication is crucial in all aspects of the relationship and has special requirements in the sceneing arena. If your Dominant is somewhat deaf or blind, good, solid in-scene alternatives should be set up in advance. Generally, the Dominant can test out things in the scene to see if they will work. This also requires a higher level of cooperation on the part of the submissive. With those Dominants that have restricted usage of their hands and arms, they can still engage by adapting tools and toys into unique and interesting ways. A higher level of care is necessary if the Dominant finds it necessary to rely on electronic devices.

Many submissives are physically handicapped. This can range from tunnel carpal disease in their hand/wrist areas to full bed incapacitation. This creates levels of increased difficulty and risk. It is both Dominant's and submissive's responsibility to fully reveal the complete nature of all known body ailments before engaging in any type of scene. Numerous actions would be slightly risky to a completely healthy submissive, which can kill an impaired submissive. The Dominant should ask for, and the submissive should volunteer, good medical information. No mandate says a submissive needs to stand to be scened. In many cases, a prone person is easier to see and has better control. Bondage risks can be minimized when you reduce the potential for unconsciousness. A wheelchair bound submissive can be bound to their chair, and sensitive areas can be totally played with. Remember that healing times are critical here. In many cases, the disabled do not heal at the rate that physically healthy people do. So it becomes even more imperative to scene in ways that in no way decrease the quality of the submissive's life. Do not bruise! I cannot emphasize that enough. It is seldom necessary, although many submissives parade bruises somewhat like badges of honor. Bruising is tissue damage. Healing from damage can be not only difficult but in some persons impossible.

I know of several submissives who were bruised and, after over a year, still carried damage. The idea is not to see what a person can take, but to challenge their 'personal' level into the realms where they can experience intensity and its unique coupling to pleasure. This may be a light pinch. The expectations of what is a 'correct level' need to be reexamined as each person is completely unique. Many areas of the body never fully recover from damage. Breast tissue is a good example of this. Many Dominants like to 'flog' the breasts. This can cause lifelong tissue damage. Also, bondage, which restricts blood flow, can almost immediately cause some tissues to begin to die! Understanding of where blood vessels are, when, and how to use bondage effectively and safely is necessary. A new Dominant should seek out good BDSM texts on the topics and attend as many workshops and live demonstrations as possible before attempting things for themselves.

A bed-bound submissive can still be scened in a way that is totally enjoyable to them. Their bed can become a bondage tool. The Dominant who likes to stretch their submissive should have great supporting bondage-lined cuffs and should remember to stay within the natural length to allow the 'sensation' of intense bondage. Joints are fragile and even more so in someone disabled. Be creative and use multiple bondage points instead of stressing individual joints.

Many disabled submissives have to deal with increased anxieties about their personal worth and value. Some have extensive scarring, missing limbs, or other physical distortions, which make them even more vulnerable to negative commentary. The Dominant needs to be fully aware of these potentials as much as everything else. Remember to 'do no harm'. Your interaction should improve both of your lives, not diminish them in any way. Be supportive and absolutely honest from the beginning of the relationship. If you think you may have trouble or feel uncomfortable looking at someone with a disability, then do not impose yourself on them. The human spirit is fragile and beautiful. Be genuine, open, and supportive.

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