Print this page
Humble:
...not proud or haughty...not arrogant or assertive...reflecting, expressing or offered in a spirit of deference, respect or submission...unpretentious...lacking all signs of pride, aggressiveness or assertiveness.
How simple the words, how truly profound the gift. The act of humility, the state of presenting yourself to the world, is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do. In the realm of D/s, the lifestyle most commonly known as Domination and submission, this precept becomes even more significant. Many see only the overt sexual aspects of D/s without the truth within that reality.
The Dominant and the submissive are a team. Their union a true partnership. A choice of non-conflict between successful individuals. They attain this through active decisions during the course of every day. In today's society, there is a strong emphasis on individuality and independence. Money becomes the goal, the indicator of success. What is not there is that which all humans crave, a companion, a true partner. If both males and females are assertive and aggressive, they turn on each other.
Sometimes a Dominant will ask a submissive to learn humility. Usually, this occurs when the submissive (for purposes of this discussion, a female) demonstrates continuing acts of pride, self-involvement, disrespect, and an elevated perception of themselves to the point where their actions displease those about them. Humility is a gift that a submissive offers to their Dominant. A choice to defer to the Dominant. The role of a submissive is not a passive existence of someone of diminished status, far from it. It is to be the gift of support, to joyously assist and augment their Dominant, the steel in the framework.
The Dominant, for his part, cherishes the soft strength of the submissive; he understands the difficulty of not answering back in pride and aggression; he understands that it is far harder to kneel than to stand, to give than to take. He also knows that a submissive cannot have both; she must embrace her submission and glory in the gift she willingly offers. To assist her, he may instruct her in the forgotten ways of humility and grace. This may seem at odds with today's society. Perhaps so. Yet if you ask any submissive, they perceive no diminishment of self by offering the gift of themselves to a worthy Dominant. There is a true art to blending the duality of self into one glorious being.
In a sense, it is quite simple: a relationship cannot flourish if both persons are leaders. To be truly successful, one must lead, and the other must navigate. If you are asked to learn to be humble, you must look deep within your actions to see them from the viewpoint of others. You must ask yourself, "Do I think too highly of myself and impose my inflated opinion on others? Am I too proud, haughty? Do I willingly defer to others? Am I respectful? Am I too aggressive, too assertive? Am I pretentious?" It is perhaps true that your Dominant believes one or more of these to be true. He perceives areas that need attention from you. If you have been asked to explore this within yourself, how did you do so? Were you aggressive and whiny? Did you take offense and point fingers at others, offering empty justifications for your actions? Or did you reach out and grasp that quiet serenity that is the true submissive, did you look within the mirror of your heart and admit the truth of what your Dominant has seen? Did you kneel in humility and mortification at the prideful nature of your responses? Did you beg forgiveness and thank him for his concern for you?
This web page is owned by F.R.R. Mallory - also known as Mistress Steel, including
all content and logos. This webpage has been redesigned to be easy to read. The
information on this page is designed to inform and entertain; it is not meant to offer
professional or legal advice. The content of this webpage may be excerpted from
Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and
Consensual, Dangerous Choices, or other books by F.R.R. Mallory; all the content is
copyright-protected under United States and International Copyright Law. Please
click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books
and others by F.R.R. Mallory.
For limited release, re-posting, web-sharing information regarding any of the articles
on this website, or to sign up for the Steel-Door Newsletter direct mailing, please
email SteelBfl@sonic.net.
long text
Archivist Note: Email links (steeibtrfl@aol.com, steelbfl@sonic.net) are no longer valid and have been omitted from this archive. The bookstore link was for a heritage site that is no longer active and has been omitted from this archive. OP's works were not found on the successor live site. Also, the discussion group on Yahoo Groups is no longer available and was not found on archive.org.
To purchase books by the OP, please search your preferred bookseller by title or by the OP's noms de plume: "Mistress Steel" and "F.R.R. Mallory".
Retrieved April 2026 from https://web.archive.org/web/20120127132436/http://www.steel-door.com/Humility.html.
Also found May 2026 from https://web.archive.org/web/20040429144403/http://members.aol.com/MasterNik/Humility.html.