Sexual Ritualism

Many of us tend to focus on the quasi-sexual aspects of 'scening' within the BDSM lifestyle. It has become quite popular to send interpersonal emails via the Internet describing the intricacies of what may or will be done on or to someone at some later time. This form of sexual/scene correspondence, although it echoes the real-life behaviors and potential experiences that someone may have it does not correlate to how the described experience may be responded to or reacted to in real life. Interpretive fantasy is vastly different than true experience. Some people who have established lengthy Internet scenes/sexual correspondence have met to 'act out' one or more of these scenes. Although an individual may be 'mentally consensual' to the idea of a certain sexual situation, scene, or act, they may be physically (and mentally) nonconsensual during the actual event. This can result in serious and even grave consequences, such as lengthy prison sentences for 'assault', 'rape', 'brutality', and 'abuse'. Internet correspondence does not make people intimately familiar with each other in the real world. It makes them intimately familiar with each other in Internet correspondence. The prearrangement of a relationship structure that deploys an existing Internet relationship as factual creates a dynamic that can act as a forcible pressure to participate in actions or events that you find distasteful or morally and ethically wrong. Because you enjoy the 'concept' of something does not mean you will enjoy the 'practice' of it. It is my opinion that relationships created within and maintained by the Internet should be considered separate from or distinct from real-life relationships and possibly be considered as a new 'fetish' form in and of itself.

Transitioning an Internet relationship into a real-life relationship is incredibly difficult and seldom successful in the long term. If you desire to find and establish a real-life relationship, then I suggest you explore people in your LOCAL community, meet real life, and be real life. Once established, a real-life relationship can benefit from intimate correspondence since many people find themselves more able to be open on paper, or in email, when engaging in the same type of discussion in real life may be harder to initiate. Email should never replace conversation or face-to-face communication.

Be Well,

Mistress Steel

Sexual Ritualism ~

A Ritual is any practice done or regularly repeated in an established, precise manner or order. The performance of ritual appears to contribute to one's sense of correctness, balance, or fitness in the manner by which the individual interprets their experience within their reality.

Humans appear to gravitate toward ritualized behavior structures in virtually all aspects of their daily lives. These performances of ritual reassure them that they are 'within' the correct space or are daily expressing (emotionally, mentally, spiritually) symbolically significant actions. The participation in daily ritualistic forms tends to contribute toward sensations of devotional stability.

We often refer to common rituals as habits that we have acquired or formed as a means to manage each separate equation or puzzle that we confront in our daily lives. The inability to engage in these simplest of ritualistic forms can result in feelings of destabilization that continue throughout the day or until these forms can be reestablished or replaced to the satisfaction of the individual. When confronted with enormous traumatic or devastating events, many people insist on bringing forward as many of their personal ritualistic practices as possible to aid them in re-stabilizing or reestablishing a sense of personal continuity and marginal necessary control over the disarray of their present circumstances. To some extent, these rituals form a 'nest of comfort' within the psyche.

Often, these routines become almost rigid structures over the lifetime of the individual. To the point when the individual will disallow disturbance of these routines and exclude anything which might interrupt or alter this comfort maintenance state. This condition can extend to the point of hardening into a shell-like structure, which can trap the individual within its tight constraints. Becoming a form of self-imposed and self-maintained personal prison.

Sex is often managed by routines, habits, and rituals that the individual or partners establish to address the various issues, demands, or needs of those involved. This often restricts sexual expression to very narrow parameters or boundaries as time replaces inventiveness and experimentation with routines that work. As the individual evolves, they often discover that their formerly satisfactory sexual rituals no longer 'work' to address their needs. Changing or interrupting these ritual forms may be enormously difficult. A partner who has become comfortable with the rites of their partner may feel that any noted change or alteration is an overt comment on the sexual dissatisfaction of their partner and may be interpreted as a personal, very intimate rejection. Being sexually destabilized often creates a fear or threat response. Sex is often viewed as being on the most intimate level of a relationship. This is frequently an area where people feel the least secure about their abilities and the least able to adequately communicate those needs in a nondestructive or non-threatening manner. Sexual destabilization is one of the strongest factors contributing to the dissolution of relationships.

Many people exploring the D/s or BDSM lifestyles are emerging from prior relationships of very tightly structured, extremely limited sexual routines. When approaching the D/s or BDSM lifestyles, one of the most interesting or provocative aspects of the lifestyle is its apparent overt ritualization coupled with an establishment of change or variation as the ritual partner rather than the familiar or known limitations of change of their former sexual experiences. This Ritual of Sexual Change or Experimentation is often the most persuasive aspect that attracts them toward active involvement within the lifestyle. Most people have moments of ecstatic or transcendent physical, emotional, and spiritual release that have occurred during or resulting from a sexual experience. The desire to 'be within' this transcendent state by establishing or performing a ritualistic routine, which contributes to their personal sense of devotion and balance, may contribute significantly to their overt search for the key to their 'sacred sex' experience.

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Archivist Note: Email links (steeibtrfl@aol.com, steelbfl@sonic.net) are no longer valid and have been omitted from this archive. The bookstore link was for a heritage site that is no longer active and has been omitted from this archive. OP's works were not found on the successor live site. Also, the discussion group on Yahoo Groups is no longer available and was not found on archive.org.

To purchase books by the OP, please search your preferred bookseller by title or by the OP's noms de plume: "Mistress Steel" and "F.R.R. Mallory".

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