Training

Training ~

Train -

To instruct or drill in habits of thought; to shape or develop an individual's character through discipline, command, or principles given as rules of general direction. A scheme to deceive or betray. Guile, trickery, treachery. To lure. Attract, persuade, win.

To be trained is to be shaped in a way that is unnatural to the individual. Training can be seen as instructions or commands given to an individual, enforced by threatening or inflicting unpleasant stimuli to force compliance. For example, plants are often 'force-trained' into shapes or habits that are unnatural to them. These techniques serve the 'subjective pleasure' of viewers, offering little or no benefit to the plant. This concept suggests that the individual is, in some, way, inferior to the ideal, thus requiring 'training.' It also implies that the ideal is 'unnatural' and demands 'forcible' changes to an individual's habits, thoughts, character, and even ethics to adjust them to this new artificial state.

The concept of 'training' is commonly used as a way to impose a severe yet 'acceptable' diminishment of the individual, allegedly to guide them toward an elusive 'perfect submissive' ideal. This 'training' often forcibly controls the actions and behaviors of the person being 'trained'. The 'trainer' gains 'permission' to violate the individual's character, belief in self, ethics, moral structure, and personal integrity by eliciting 'pre-consent' to training actions. In this way, consent is 'addressed,' and the submissive is made responsible for, or complicit in, the actions taken against them. Refusal to cooperate is met with 'admonishment,' keeping the submissive caught in the loop of 'this is good for you, and you agreed to it training.' Long-term or intense behavior modification can significantly harm mental welfare. These techniques can strip away natural defenses and foster dependency on the 'rule' or source of direction as the only path of non-assaultive movement. Moreover, the submissive may come to believe their position is the only place for them. This training may force the person into activities against their moral code or make them more vulnerable to immoral, illegal, or dangerous behaviors.

A person is not trained to become a submissive. If they are submissive, it is the true state of their nature. It exists without any accouterments, without contact with this community, without information or direction. It is the fundamental fabric of which the individual is made. It cannot be created or brought into being by forcible actions against them. If this fabric is not in current existence, then it will not exist, regardless of the rhetoric or desires of other people to 'create' it. A submissive can enter this community and learn a new language to express the feelings and emotions they have always had. They can seek out further information to clarify what others think or view what submission is, but in the end, their experience of submission will be unique to who they are inside. It is possible to embrace skills that the individual has only thought about but never brought into reality, but this is done from the inside out, or emerges from the will and desire of the submissive to express these skills as an extension of how they feel; it is not something 'applied' to the submissive. Any submissive 'forced' into any action is inherently not consenting. Many people in long-term relationships enjoy 'tension' between the Top and bottom, where the illusion of non-consent has an active role in a scene. However, if at any time either the Top or the bottom truly believes they are acting against the true wishes of their partner, then they will stop the scene. The simple truth is that continuing to argue with your partner will destroy your relationship. If the relationship is healthy and of value, then that is the last thing that a partner will do.

Since the advent of the Internet, the BDSM community has also seen the sudden rise of 'Internet Trainers', Masters or Mistresses who make contact with new to the community submissives and new D/s couples, proffering their 'expert' advice on 'training' this new submissive on how to be a 'real' submissive. This training may be perpetrated solely online, or it may include phone calls and even illicit meetings. New Dominants are often told that their 'submissive' needs the training of a more experienced 'Master' and that this training may include sexual contact. Frequently, the 'submissive' (who is equally inexperienced) will approach their 'inexperienced Dominant' with this 'necessity'. This suggests that the inexperienced Dominant will 'like' what some stranger is teaching, showing, or otherwise 'training' their submissive to do. Just as each submissive is unique, so is each Dominant; the needs of each Dominant are singular to themselves. You learn by doing. You attain experience by being within the experience. If you put five Dominants in a room, each will like something different. This concept of secondary training, especially from an unknown stranger, should be avoided; the only 'training' that can occur from a stranger is what that stranger likes. If, as a couple, the Dominant and submissive approach someone well known to them in their local community to learn a specific technique from 'as a couple', then the interactions can be experienced by both the Dominant and the submissive and will not act destructively in their relationship.

If the Dominant chooses to have his submissive learn a technique from another Dominant, then the Dominant should approach the situation as the Alpha Dominant and the 'more experienced' Dominant as the 'Beta' Dominant in the situation. This means that the Alpha maintains control of what will occur, when, where, and how. Violation of this arrangement severs the agreement, returning the submissive immediately to the full and sole control of the Alpha Dominant.

The only way to be a 'real' submissive is to be real. This means be who you are. Be truthful, especially to yourself. If you are in a position where you do not desire a singular commitment to one Dominant at this time, then be truthful about this as well. Subterfuge, deceit, and manipulation are actions of a desire to control or fear of loss. Honesty is a harsh path, but it is the only path where happiness and joy bear fruit. To deliver the fullness of yourself, you have to find out who you are, and you have to find out that honesty and you are enough, just exactly as you are.

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Archivist Note: Email links (steeibtrfl@aol.com, steelbfl@sonic.net) are no longer valid and have been omitted from this archive. The bookstore link was for a heritage site that is no longer active and has been omitted from this archive. OP's works were not found on the successor live site. Also, the discussion group on Yahoo Groups is no longer available and was not found on archive.org.

To purchase books by the OP, please search your preferred bookseller by title or by the OP's noms de plume: "Mistress Steel" and "F.R.R. Mallory".

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