Bonding

Bonding...

When two connect, a bond is formed; this can be tenuous, such as with only a play partner, or quite deep with a true mate. The most graphic damage a human can sustain is within the psyche, the inner self. This may have occurred from abuse, either physical, emotional, or verbal, or all of these. With a D/s bond, the inner self is opened. This occurs with what is most commonly called subspace - though it could more accurately be described as bottom space. This is an almost trancelike condition that the submissive enters when in the presence of their chosen top. This may occur only during play initially, when the chemicals are released into the blood, the sub learns how to activate this state earlier as they become familiar with it. They move inside their top. Their hearing hyper-attenuates, their attention rivets.

A good top will ride the submissive 'down' into space, moving into the areas of damage and exploring them with light conversation, removing the pain still connected to them. In this state, the submissive is aware, but the pain of all kinds is muffled. He or the top may strip away the feelings of shame, self-hatred, denial, agony, and ego diminishment. The top may take these feelings from the sub. Reminding her firmly that the glory she has become is the culmination of all she may have endured. The damage becomes a distant lesson. This state is very close to traditional hypnosis; the submissive is totally suggestible and amenable to their top, helping them.

This type of exploration occurs for years as the fragments slowly surface. The puzzle is put back together one piece at a time. The top rebuilds the whole of the submissive. Stripping away Fear, Pain, Guilt, and Shame. Releasing the truth, the center, the beautiful one within.

This is one of the areas of direct healing from the side of the submissive.

Please note: No Dominant or Top should be considered to be an expert in psychology unless they are licensed as a doctor of psychology. Some issues of abuse and damage are far too great to be dealt with by an amateur, and the submissive should seek the active assistance of an expert in these cases. When the Top and bottom share this common ground of subspace, the Top has the opportunity to encourage, aid, or assist in how the submissive feels about themselves through the eyes of others. This can be done using supportive, reinforcing language, and sometimes simply by taking the time to talk at some length with your submissive about events in their life that they have had great difficulty with. There is really no 'cure' for old damage, but there are healthy ways to cope with, manage, or address old injuries so they do not play an active role in the individual's life today. Seeking out healthy choices is the first step in this process; anything the individual can do to encourage healthy practices, both mentally and physically, will contribute to an improved sense of well-being. This will, over time, improve overall mental and physical health.

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Archivist Note: Email links (steeibtrfl@aol.com, steelbfl@sonic.net) are no longer valid and have been omitted from this archive. The bookstore link was for a heritage site that is no longer active and has been omitted from this archive. OP's works were not found on the successor live site. Also, the discussion group on Yahoo Groups is no longer available and was not found on archive.org.

To purchase books by the OP, please search your preferred bookseller by title or by the OP's noms de plume: "Mistress Steel" and "F.R.R. Mallory".

Retrieved May 2026 https://web.archive.org/web/20120127114815/http://www.steel-door.com/Bonding.html with additions from previous versions.
Also found May 2026 https://web.archive.org/web/20010210211313/http://www.steel-door.com/Bonding.html.