Deceit

Deceit

Our deepest feelings are rarely separate from the values and beliefs instilled in us from childhood. The idea of 'marriage' often carries with it expectations of permanence, commitment, devotion, and stability, and reflects qualities such as integrity, honor, and trust. When someone breaks a marital oath, it reveals a willingness to discard these ideals without warning or accepting responsibility to their partner. Such an act constitutes a fundamental lie. Moreover, open deceit within a primary relationship undermines its validity, reducing other related connections to something less meaningful. When trust, honor, and integrity are form the foundation, the absence of these traits reveals a profound weakness, that will likely lead to the collapse of any relationship established on such a footing.

It is difficult to isolate emotional responses when we 'like' others and choose to engage in intimate, sometimes dangerous relationships. We tell ourselves we control our emotions more than we do. Proximity and shared experiences often deepen our feelings, even when our rational mind warns us that our partner's current deceitful actions with others almost inevitably lead to injury, damage, and internal pain. If someone is willing to violate their 'word' in their most important relationship, they will likely find it easier to break promises and commitments in secondary ones. The ability to plan and enact deceit opposes the truth, trust, honor, and integrity essential in a bonded D/s or BDSM relationship.

When looking at or considering the actions which drew together the two parties involved in such an 'affair', it is important to remember that both contribute to the possibility of this deceit to continue or exist. The partner, without any other long-term or committed relationship, should always examine their decision to choose a potential partner who is 'unavailable' for commitment, truth, trust, integrity, and honor, and consider why they have elected to involve themselves in such a choice. BDSM by itself is a risky lifestyle; the community has endeavored to establish a base or fundamental safety and ideology to address the most dangerous physical/mental aspects of the lifestyle. Considering these hard-fought-for and hard-won safeties and ideologies should be paramount when choosing or selecting a potential long-term partner or bonded mate. The selection of a partner whose word has been tarnished makes any commitment to truth nonexistent. If a submissive cannot believe in the 'word' of their proposed dominant, then they may be placing their life in peril.

Deceit of contractual oaths in the vanilla world may be disreputable, untidy, immoral, and disgraceful - deceit of contractual oaths within the kinky world may be deadly.

In considering ramifications for your behavior or choice of actions, it should be noted that you are potentially engaging in deceitful actions as well. If you are uncomfortable with the state of the relationship, the only 'honorable' choice is to engage in direct and open communication with your partner before soliciting other or new relationships with other people. To some extent, your action becomes a mirror of the very behaviors that you express as being of concern to you. As to 'suggestions of potential punishment', without the fundamental base of the relationship, such ideas should not even be engaged. If you intend to vacate your existing commitment via oath to your dominant, then further redressive interaction is moot. I would seriously suggest that you spend considerable time exploring and examining the path of your own choices without a partner prior to deciding to involve a partner in your current confused or indecisive state. To form a relationship when you are not 'mentally stabilized' imposes extreme difficulties and perhaps damage upon those who would unknowingly agree to enter such a relationship with you. If in the future you desire to partner with others who are physically, mentally, spiritually, and legally free to engage in open relationships, then make such attributes mandatory or part of your limits list before seeking out such a relationship.

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Retrieved April 2026 from https://web.archive.org/web/20120424003437/http://www.steel-door.com/deceit.htm.