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Dark Realities
Lord **** grim words and posting bring sad sighs of shared pain and anguish to me. Over the years, the tiny news clips parade like a litany of darkness in the soul. Some are friends, some distant names whispered on frightened lips. This posting propelled a discussion with a Dom/male friend of mine about the inherent dangers of 'First Meetings'. This discussion centered around his own impending first meeting with a submissive fem from this online community. He expressed his extreme concern at her failure to ask critical questions of him before agreeing to meet him.
There is a statistic which I quote here, although it is over 5 years old, I believe the numbers to actually be higher now, as the S/m community was a safer place prior to the gate of AOL and other online services opening the doors to the world, so to speak. Essentially, about 50 submissives die each year at the hands of another person, that person most often presenting themselves as a dominant. Many things happen, and often the deaths are gross accidents, and the fear of seeking appropriate fast medical assistance when a severe problem occurs. Essentially, a dominant bringing an injured sub to any hospital can and will be arrested for brutality, abuse, and even murder should she die. S/m is illegal.
For those dominants entering the lifestyle at this point, every community of size has D/s friendly medical professionals within it - generally, they are submissive male doctors or submissive female doctors. It is your obligation to investigate and connect with them prior to play as part of your safety procedure. You should ascertain current vital medical information from your new submissive and have it on hand should something grave occur. You should know any and all illnesses, diseases, and/or conditions she may suffer from. YOU should have a complete first aid kit and know how to use it. You should always follow safe practices. This may appear to inhibit your fun, but death inhibits everything, forever.
For those submissives entering their first experience with an unknown, strange Dominant. Never play in the initial meeting. Never set up elaborate, staged, ritualistic, or role-playing scenes, such as is commonly spoken of in the online rooms. Always have the dominant's name (full), current address, current phone numbers, and work phone numbers. Request a Social Security number and a photocopy of the current driver's license. Additionally, provide this information to a safe number. An individual with whom you must check in frequently during the time period of contact. Never meet a strange man in an isolated place. Meet him with a friend if you so desire. Demand and check his references. These should be local to his area and people who know him physically in his local community. Ideally, these should include at least 2 submissives whom he has had sustained contact with in a real-life situation for at least one year - hopefully two. Check, check, check. Many new submissives seem to feel that asking personal questions violates their desire to implicitly trust their dominant. That, in some way, baseline survival questions reflect a lack of respect for the Dominant. The contrary is true - he will lose respect for you if you do not value your life enough to adequately protect it. Open, clear, and constant communication is essential here. Avoid any dominant who is reluctant to give you complete and open information about himself and all aspects of his life. What the man may be hiding may cost you your life.
Also, log or journal your activities. Keep this in your personal home and chronicle who you met, when, where, all information on them, and when and where you intend to meet. Prior to leaving for the meeting, put this journal into a sealed Kraft envelope and give it to a member of your immediate family. Tell them it is part of your last will stuff and is to remain sealed unless you should pass away. Retrieve it unopened upon safe return home. Tell your new dominant that you have several safety systems set up. He should have no problem with this. If he acts upset or odd - EXIT the relationship.
I apologize for the darkness of this post, but I would like to see some active discussions on other safety protocols for both Dominant and submissive here.
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