Covenant

Covenant ~

An agreement that is usually created formally, to be regarded with solemn integrity, is formed to be binding upon those who engage in the covenant together. This type of formal agreement is often considered within the light of 'common-law' or is held to be above or of more importance, strength, or durability than casual agreements or promises. In some cases, a covenant is considered to be 'binding words' within which the entirety of the 'promise of delivery' is incorporated.

With a BDSM relationship, it is reasonably common for the dominant and the submissive to reach a point of 'describing' the parameters of that relationship. This may be done in the form of a written contract, but often evolves as a series of incremental decisions and instructions that become threads of the covenant between the dominant and submissive. When a covenant is 'built' in an active process between two people based upon the real or true thoughts, ideas, desires, and choices of those individuals, then the covenant becomes a natural outgrowth of the relationship itself. In these cases, the covenant is often invisible and seamless since the ideas and concepts contained within it are intrinsic to those who are engaged within it. A covenant created outside of this natural process is often presented as a material contract that defines the areas, limits, and boundaries determined by the dominant to be significant and mandatory to further engagement within the relationship. This type of imposed structure may come from a totally uninvolved source (such as a book) and may include ideas, thoughts, and concepts that do not exist in this whole state within the mind of the submissive. At the time of execution of this 'document', the submissive may 'think' a mental agreement to abide within the noted constraints and behavioral direction defined in the contract. This 'think' is often undertaken in good faith by the submissive, and instead of real or true information. This is particularly true when the submissive is a lifestyle novice with little or no experience in performing the minutiae of behavior described within the contract as being 'normal' or 'standard' submissive behavior. The desire to comply with such often stringent contractual forms may even represent for the submissive being considered or viewed by others as a 'real' submissive.

Transitioning from a fantasy compliance to a physical compliance is a process that does not occur or stabilize in a short time frame. During the process, the submissive learns, experiences, and evolves into a clearer understanding of self. This process never entirely ceases, although most submissives reach a point of integration of truth and self at or near the seven-year mark. (Please note that this is a loose time frame, and the realization may take less, more, or never fully occur. The seven-year window is based entirely on anecdotal conversations and questions of dominants and submissives, Tops and bottoms, switches in real-life settings.)

The imposition of an artificial contract or generic 'submissive/slave' contract at or near the beginning of a submissive's journey of experience is almost guaranteed to fail. Often, the most significant aspect of such contracts is the 'generalized obedience' requirements. Sometimes the language is so written as to state that the submissive/slave should obey the direction of the dominant completely, totally, and without question. This very broad and general 'consent' immediately limits or governs the submissive's voice to express opinion, thoughts, and the truth as they see it. If 'question' is 'against the contract', then the submissive is effectively gagged. This type of 'consent' becomes stiff and inflexible, retarding growth, evolution, and development, and through extension can easily become assaultive and abusive.

There is no measure or standard of 'proper' submissive behavior. If a submissive is vocally aggressive in the direction of a group, forum, or workshop, this does not in any way reflect upon whether they are submissive or not. It may accurately demonstrate that each submissive is only submissive with, to, toward, and for those individuals they individually recognize as 'dominant to them'. This instinctive measure cannot and should not be artificially imposed upon any individual. When the submissive is in a role of 'direction or management', such as a leadership role within a group, that submissive is 'dominating' the group for the duration of the exercise. This does not make the submissive intrinsically dominant; it merely means they are directing or leading that group. If a submissive does not recognize a dominant as being 'dominant to them,' they are not required by some unwritten law to behave in a false submissive 'role play' for the benefit of that dominant. They should express themselves with dignity, courage, and courtesy and offer 'general respect.' If they are 'directed' to offer more and believe this is at odds with what is true inside of them, then they need to be able to communicate that sense to their dominant. False expressions of submission are open disrespect. Courtesy is respectful and imposes no overt judgment either way.

A submissive often 'pre-thinks' what they can do, especially within a relationship. These behavior choices are invariably 'determined' based upon a 'best case scenario'. The submissive imagines good days, best days, play days, and may pre-think that these are 'everyday' behaviors. What is less visible and less considered are the days when the submissive does not feel submissive at all, when the last thing they desire to do is follow direction. Or those days when the complexities of daily life require crossing into dominant form in order to manage the details of everyday living, in order to accomplish the necessary daily tasks. Most submissives live significant portions of their days as dominant directors or managers. These transitions from dominant form to submissive are not always seamless and easy; they are not always automatic and natural. Recognizing these problems and challenges becomes vitally important to building and strengthening the underlying covenant, the foundations of the relationship. As these occur, the role of clear, open communication becomes vastly more important. If the decision-making capability of a submissive is challenged based entirely upon their manifest role as submissive without basis within the validity of the decision itself, then the submissive may, can, and perhaps should feel diminished and offended. Being a submissive does not reduce the individual's intellect or ability to formulate and process information as necessary to reach positive decisions. If the dominant requires the submissive to give up 'thinking' and all decision making, they may be saying to that submissive that they are 'inferior' or otherwise incapable of making valid decisions. This suggests incompetence. If a submissive is unable to formulate valid decision-making processes, then by extension, their 'consent' is also invalid. If their consent is invalid, then they cannot agree to ANY covenant, contract, or other binding agreement and can therefore not participate in the lifestyle.

The worth, value, strength, and power of any covenant are based entirely on the dedication, value, worth, strength, and power of each individual as contributing toward and maintaining the covenant. If a covenant is breached, then what exists is merely words without substance. A relationship without substance is not a relationship but an illusion. Rather than violate the terms or intent of a covenant, slow down and do not incorporate terms that are outside of your personal truth.

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