Breaking a Submissive

Breaking a Submissive

Breaking is a term often heard within the BDSM community. The interpretation of what breaking means varies. In this area, it is most often aligned with the 'breaking' of a horse or animal. Based on this interpretation, the 'spirit' of the individual is being 'broken'. Some people like to consider it the point where the 'will' gives way to a superior force. The actual breaking of an individual's spirit is the last thing that a competent, healthy Dominant or submissive wishes to occur. The breaking of a 'spirit' removes the positive mental health of the individual. This would be similar to involuntary imprisonment, such as during a war in a POW camp. It represents a desire to 'break down' the fundamental building blocks of the individual's psyche until they can no longer defend themselves from external invasion. The vanquishment of hope, self-respect, and motivation to continue.

Sometimes a submissive believes that they need to be 'forced', 'conquered', or 'overcome' to maintain a level of self-respect in submitting to another human being. It is a way they justify their need. This belief is erroneous and generally indicates an individual who has not openly embraced their needs or themselves. It is also a way of avoiding self-responsibility and imposing responsibility for your submissive conduct and responses onto your Dominant.

Many submissives approach Dominants asking to be 'broken'. Based on the wide range of what this term means, the Dominant is often confronted with conflicting thoughts as to what exactly the submissive is asking of them. A Dominant does not break a submissive. A submissive is not to be forced beyond their mental and physical limits. Such force is abuse!

Many submissives interpret 'breaking' to be a Dominant overwhelming their desire to resist, thereby 'forcing' them into obedience. Again, this is based on a flawed understanding of the dynamics at work here. A submissive overcomes their own desires to resist. Control is exercised from within. To some extent, the Dominant presents the submissive with increasingly difficult mental and physical tasks to perform. The submissive, by 'agreement, ' endeavors to perform these tasks as issued.

A Dominant directs action and resists the ability or desire of the submissive to manipulate them. The submissive either follows directions or they do not. Based on the negotiated agreements of the relationship structure, the Dominant and the submissive then engage in actions in response to actions or failure. However, it is crucial to remember that the submissive is completely responsible for their actions. The desire to obey or disobey is a voluntary process. Some relationships flourish with 'tiny wars' between the Dominant and submissive. Or, ongoing subtle insurrection. Others require a stronger demonstration. Many Dominants find a 'level of resistance' exciting and challenging in their submissives. Others desire a submissive capable of total self-control.

A person expressing an ability or desire to 'break' another human being should be avoided by a submissive. That person is not a Dominant with a vested interest in the overall mental and physical health of a submissive. Such a desire demonstrates personal issues and problems that may be severe and could place a submissive in a situation of grave risk to them.

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